Adam, Eve and the Forbidden Fruit
by our-lord-saviour
Summary: i swear to GOD that this is how the bible actually goes. Christians beware. . .adam was a dirty f*ck


The days were long and the nights were warm and sticky. But God thought that something was still missing. He had the animals whose mating calls and grunts echoed to each end of the garden. He also had the man, Adam. To say God made man in his image, God must have been a fucking loin frother. Adam's abs were more defined than the arciynan waterfalls. His face itself was a work of heaven, the piercing fresh blue eyes forged out of winter glacier. 

But there was something missing. At night when Adam's flesh grew hard and it pulsed to his heartbeat, he felt incomplete. Like he was the key but with no keyhole to unlock. God was stumped on this missing link. Then one day after a crafty wank -

"EUREKA!" God exclaimed.

He shall create a working man. Or WoMan for short. She shall be the final piece in the jigsaw! but God knew he could not equal the quality put into Adam so from one of Adam's ribs he crafted this woman. This woman was to be Adams slave, but as many men now know- women don't do as they are fucking told. Eve she was called, and she never shut the fuck up. But she was beautiful. Large, perky but not veiny breasts, a tight yet huge ass which even God found himself dribbling over Eve's junk from high above.

When introduced to one another, Eve rejected Adam straight away, she preferred 'darkies' which God had no idea what she was talking about. This rejection carried on for months until on one exceptionally moon filled night.  
The garden bathed in the lunar shine was silent. Eve woke up with a jump. Something was moving in the shadows. From out behind pounced a heavy figure, his sweat covered body slammed Eve down into the grass and flipped her face up. Her wide eyes met the unmistakable blue of Adam's. She knew what was happening as soon as Adam pressed his moist lips open against those of Eve's and forced his way inside her clamped mouth. Eve was useless to resist, she was weak compared to Adam. His hands roughly moved up her shaking body onto her firm breasts, Adam's head moved down and chomped down hard on her left nipple causing Eve to cry out in pain.  
at this point God woke up with a jump 

"WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!" he shouted, as he put his favourite dressing gown on.

He looked down from his balcony in the sky to see Adam raping the shit out of Eve. Instead of stopping what he saw, God got incredibly aroused and felt his cock push against the balcony's glass. Against his own better judgement, God let the rape sesh continue as he watched over the two humans memorized. While he pleasured himself from up above.  
Eve had slowly stopped resisting as she knew there was no point, in fact she took pleasure from the animalistic actions of Adam. The rapist had started to work down Eve's sticky stomach taking a momentary pause to dive his flexible tongue into her deep belly button (HOW THE FUCK DID SHE HAVE ONE). Adam reached the now-fully wet pussy with which he pressed his lips to while running his tongue up and down the beating clitoris. with every motion he could feel her body tense up with pleasure. Eve slowly ran her hands through his golden hair and down his muscular neck. she now let out muted moans which travelled off, far into the distant darkness.  
Adam rose back up and once again both of the human's eyes met but this time there were intense gazes which did not break. Adam clumsily felt for the 'keyhole' with his eight inch schlongasaurausrex before regaining his coolness by slowly easing himself into the slippery Eve, like one does if the pool IS BLOODY COLD: ever so tentatively. ^_^  
He paused for a moment to think about whether or not to put his balls in as well, but his common sense shone through and he decided not to. On the first few thrusts eve clamped her long nails straight into Adam's back before releasing and soon she was crying out in pleasure.

Of course, because Adam was the first human you can't blame him for ejaculating on the 30 second mark at which he let out a sudden 'ugggh' which indicated he had climaxed. Eve was not the only one pissed off. She let out a disappointed sigh, got up and wandered off to find that donkey she was shagging this morning. 

God from up above was getting into the rhythm of things when it all stopped. Angrily he hit the railing which he immediately regretted because it hurt like shitting when you have cut your asshole. He slinked off to his cloud bed and sneakily got in making sure not to wake up his wife - . he tapped her on the shoulder and whispered:

"Let's make love."

To which his wife's response was: 

"Did you wash up today like I asked you to?"

" . . .no." 

"Then fuck off." 

"BUT I WAS BUSY" 

"BUSY WATCHING RAPE YOU DIRTY OLD MAN"' 

"(cry)" 

"Shut up."

_AND THAT IS HOW RAPE BEGAN CHILDREN _


End file.
